"Write better stuff."
Today is the day I understood what my writing is about. The day that I finally started to appreciate the power that I have to change my life and how I impact the lives of those around me. What needs to be said now is that in telling my life story, my perception of how things were was skewed. Imposter syndrome is simultaneously a bitch and a crutch. I believed things about myself and others that were wrong. Now I see how changing my mindset changes the words I choose to use when sharing details of my life or even telling myself about what happened. Painting pictures in the appropriate light is vital.
Looking back at things with a more positive lens, I see how my family, parents aside, but my brothers and sister, influenced my life. I used to believe that it was all negative, that they didn’t care about me at all - from childhood memories that I openly admit I judged them by throughout my adulthood. But now I’m considering that even though it didn’t maybe happen till later in life but is it possible that they actually do care.
I wrestle with this new view of what my relationship with them was, and what our relationship could have been if I had believed and spoken differently. I’m still coming to terms with the magnitude of how it changes things. As I continue separating my emotions from the facts, next up is to find the words that clearly evoke my gratitude to not only them, but everyone. I'm focusing on writing better stuff.